Predictably Unrefined Thoughts on NYRs

Every year a lot of talk goes around about New Year's Resolutions. Personally, I 've always felt that NYRs are philosophically unsatisfying - even if you do 'succeed'. Largely this is because I've never been one to place confidence in trickery when it comes to changing your own behaviour. I reckon that if you don't like something about your behaviour, you are doing yourself damage by putting off doing anything about it until January. And generally I think that big decisions are possible and that it's healthy to just grab yourself by the shirt-collars every so often, get in your own face and tell yourself to stop being such a wussy - and mean it. The more spontaneous the hour, the day and the month: the better.

Bad habits, as we all know, come from brain-monkeys. The older I get, the more foolish, unruly, and slovenly the monkeys in my mind have become. And increasingly the monkey-tamer is becoming laisez-faire in his role and perhaps even a little simian in his own outlook. So much so, I must now admit that often he seeks to cajole rather than spank the monkeys into coming round to his way of thinking; and if that isn't bad enough his goals become weaker every year. I know that this is not a universal tendency, but I think it transpired in my own case because I had too strict a monkey-tamer in my younger years, and now, as he feels guilty about the harsh regime he employed, it is easy for the monkeys to take advantage. Whatever the reason, I now find myself riddled with intellectual monkey-business and I do hope (and it's purely coincidentally the beginning of January) to have my monkey-tamer walk in a brisk and healthy manner somewhere between the extremes in the future.

Despite this, I did not engage in any NYRing this year. I maintained my lifelong repugnance for the convention. But while I refused to be pressurised by the furrowed brow of my calendar, I did take on something similar. It was a sort of belated mini-NYR: a booze-free week (this week) undertaken in solidarity with a brave NYR-man who is impressively giving up both drinking and smoking for all of January and replacing the two with jogging and reading. Initially I thought that doing both was a step too far - that it might drive the monkeys crazy and they'd tear up the joint. In fact part of me still has this fear, but then I concluded that his monkey-tamer probably did some kind of deal and convinced the monkeys it would be worth it for the kudos. The kudos, that is, as well as the €100 that his mates bet he couldn't do it, and the greatest nicotine & alcohol binge of all time come February 1st. Beware though my friend, monkeys are not always creatures of their word. Vigilance!

But what do I and my monkeys get out of this act of solidarity-based abstinence you may well ask? Well, I get the usual benefits. Let me tell you how it has been so far: my head is clear, my energy levels are high, and I could really bloody use a drink. God I love alcohol.






Do not intoxicate this man