It went something like this:

Q-M: So how's the love-life horse?

Me: Yeah, we really haven't been talking much lately have we?

Q-M: You're right. It's funny how you can share a bed with someone,
follow them about a lot of the time, poop in their sock drawer, and never really talk isn't it?

Me: Oh monkey man, not on my socks again we...

Q-M: Easy, easy, there's no poop in your drawer - I meant it metaphorically.

Me: Metaphorically?

Q-M: Obviously.

Me: Fine. So you want to talk?

Q-M: No... listen moreso.

Me: About my love-life?

Q-M: Well I do have that attention-span issue so i didn't want to ask you anything too complicated that might absent-mindedly lead to my pooping in your drawer.

Me: So long as we're still talking metaphorical drawers you can poop where you like. Why are we saying "poop" today?

[Q-M shrugs monkey-style]
Q-M: Meh.

Me: Ok, well my friend, my love-life - and i'll keep it brief, bearing my drawers in mind. You might say I have a love-of-life moreso than a love-life in the sense I'm sure you mean...

Q-M: Spare me. Horse I'm thinking of all kinds of new reasons to pay a visit to that sock-drawer.

Me: Ok. I'm talking. I'm talking...um...well, there's my prolonged eye-contact with women who work in cafes and shopping centres - I even branched out to pretty strangers in the street. That seems to be going well... and a girl in a bar told me I reminded her of Jesus, but that 'God's gift' gag I tried needs a little work.

Q-M: Agreed.

Me: Why do you ask?

Q-M: I need the bed next week - I was checking out my chances of you finding somewhere else to 'sleep.' All going well I could have used it and you'd have been none the wiser.

Me: What on earth made you think I was going to, well, you know, score?

Q-M: I'm working on something.

Me: WHAT?

Q-M: Yeah don't get too excited, it may not come together. Like I say, I need the bed. You know, thought a win-win would be nice.

Me: And so you're 'working on something?'

Q-M: Magician's secrets are a lot like monkey business.

Me: What? Immoral or illegal?

Q-M: Watch this space Horse. Watch this space.

Part of me is thinking 'this space' is the sock drawer. Nonetheless, one of the bizarrest conversations I've ever had with that particular monkey and my experience advises me that I should treat his weirder comments with some seriousness and his serious comments with some disregard. The difficulty is in telling these categories apart - which is an art I still haven't mastered.