Squish Squash

I have a work colleague who derides my tie on what was a near-daily basis. At first I thought he just didn't like me, was being a deliberate dick and I resented the daily insults. Then I began to think he actually was quite fond of me but couldn't think of anything of a non-tie-slagging nature to say to me being a all-too-manly man (and no doubt feels intimidated by my
edumacation or whatever - well not so much intimidated by as annoyed with / contemptuous of) - but naturally I still didn't appreciate these repetative insults.

Somehow, perhaps in an absence of anything else to say, or perhaps in a spontaneous upsurge of a competitive spirit that sought to get one up on this guy, I challenged him to a game of squash two weeks ago. It's a sport that he takes very seriously, and which I happen (parp parp parp - there goes my own trumpet) to be quite good at (though he doesn't know this). And I suppose I thought that it would either break down the barrier between us (i.e. ameliorate his being such a dick to me) or give me an opportunity to trounce him and get sweet sweet revenge.

It has since got around the department that the challenge has been made and the general consensus is that everyone would like to see me beat him (the more convincingly the better) so that they can take the piss out of him for getting beaten by the scrawny bearded little freak (they call me that affectionately).

Now there are two things. Fristly, since the challenge (and the game is going to happen next Wednesday) he has been very very nice to me - even yesterday when I wore a snoopy tie he said nothing about it. A snoopy tie! I was begging for it! It's like he just wanted me to be nice to him or to acknowledge him or something. Secondly, I don't really care if I lose but everyone would give him a serious ribbing if he loses - which I know despite his bravado he would take quite badly.

So now for the sake of this guy continuing to be nice to me and allowing him the glory that's so important to him - I'm planning to lose the match. That way we will both have our respective areas of expertese which will eliminate the need to take the piss out of me for being what he perceives as pretentious and la-di-da (obviously he would use neither term) because he's beaten me in squash and has proved his worth - or my not-all-that-ness.

Then there is a possibility that I might try my best and still lose anyway - which would be good. But then I wouldn't feel like such a big man - oh wait, I'm a small man. Sorry. I forget.

Still, I think this peculiar scenario is working out quite well and I think this is a most novel and subtle solution to a problem of work-place bullying - even if I am unsure if I knew what I was doing when I did it.

And frankly yes - yes I am very proud of myself.

Watch the comments box for the update.

*This account is paraphrased from an email I sent and as such, it should be noted, is not fresh. But in my egoism, I think it is interesting; and in my laziness, was not willing to write a brand new account of it*