Vocational Trainig

Continuing my recent spate of incopmetence [sic], I lost my ID card in the hospital yesterday.

The interim solutions that one has to employ when this happens are twofold.

The first is that one loiters outside the builing waiting to sneak in when someone else opens the door. This security breach is so common that little remarks are paid. It's still irritating and embarassing though - particularly when one's monkey compounds the issue by taking one's wallet (and 'the piss') and tries to swipe everything in it from credit cards to five-year-old condoms in an effort to get the door open or does 'brass monkey' impressions to emphasise that it's pretty cold outside and not so nice to be standing around.

The second is to broach a security guard inside the Emergency Department so that one can get up to one's new shiney office (away from the smell of mixed and various emergency secretions, emanations and ablutions) through another magic door.

This is an opportunity to see in action, how Irish professionalism and culture is being promulgated to the great benefit of some inward immigrants. You see, we have here a number of new and young eastern european security staff as well as a few long-standing irish staff. If you ask the older Irish guy to swipe you through somewhere, while he does so, he'll probably say something like: "Wha? Sure yo don't work here a' rall you don't. Never saw ya before inmebleedin life! Well yer an awlful ol' gobshite losin yer card arencha? I don't get paid enough to be dealin wi' feckin eejits like ya. Now go'on an get routa me hair and do some bleedin work - what time dja call this anyway?"

Now some of the newer staff have picked up on the hospital's sound security policies very quickly, though their english/dublin still needs a little work so you get something like: " You do not work here. No? I joke. You sure? You are a stupid. You know this? I joke."

I like what they've done with the genre and I think I'll go to the new guys in future.