Novelty Hand-Shakes

Do you know anyone (men usually) who do sophisticated hand shakes that include inter alia (as they say in legalese) grabbing your thumb in their fist, sliding your palms off one another and doing the finger-click-point thing?

Down with that sort of thing.

Now maybe I'm a tad officious in my demeanor, and this makes me dull and conservative; but this aside, I know how I like my hand-shakes, and I'd appreciate a little consideration.

What's particularly ironic about this trend is that the guys who do it, seem to be the very manly-types who would have called me 'gay' and roughed me up or somesuch when in my pre-teens I played patty-cake with my sister or whatever other pig-tailed young lady happened to be available.

Now despite the fact that I still pretty much remember all the rhymes and actions, I've left 'patty-cake' back in 1990 (or '94 - whatever). You guys need to follow my lead.

Granted it may be argued that this type of hand-shake connotes a long standing friendship or a desire for one, but if anyone I knew for a long time suggested (especially when I were in my twenties!) that we compose a fancy hand-shake, I'd tell them that they really what they needed was just either a little more lovin, or a little more beer.

Also, while it may be considered in the alternative, an appropriate substitution for the maneuver that men find so difficult to perform with one another colloquially known as hug. I say rubbish. Even a half hug or a firm but meaningful grabbing of the shoulder or bicep gets the point across, and requires a lot less dexterity than all this finger-trickery; and has so much more dignity besides.

Up with this sort of thing.

Of course q-mojo ignores the whole issue relating to reticence about sexuality or personal space and shows his affection by, grooming monkey-style, grabbing, kissing and sometimes grinding.

The rest of us have not quite (more irony - isn't irony just magic?) evolved to this point yet.