Fast Forward: Things I hear at work that make me smile

I work in an environment where I feel like (to butcher a biblical metaphor) my light has been man-handled (well, woman-handled moreso)under a bushel. I'm particularly powerless/unmotivated to do anything about this as I am a temporary employee and I'll be leaving in September. Any attempt to burst forth from said bushel or even set it alight from the inside would not be very productive. Quasi-Mojo usually cheers me up with his miming and his particularly distinctive version of yoga of which the main feature is the release of gas from his rectum. I believe the louder the release the greater the health benefits.

Anyway, I am also kept amused, even though I feel quite mean/weird in the process, by one of my colleagues' use and misuse of the English language. She has a penchant for adapting idioms and many of her adaptions are just delightful. Unfortunately I should have taken closer note, but here's a few that spring to mind that I heard over the last week or two:

"I'm sick to my back eyes with this..."
"I'll be losing money hand over heels here"
To me when some clever retort was made to me: "Cheeky is as cheeky does eh?" I asked what this meant but she declined to explain it.
"She sends me this form and expects me to make heads or tails of it."
"God. If they'd brains they'd be intelligent!"
"She was kicking mad"
"She's having a Mickey over there"
Refering to a middle-man type situation: "That's just putting a piggy in the middle of the process."


I'll write some others if they come back to me. The other fun thing she does is instead of using the past tense with 'should' she uses the present. So it's "That's not what you shudda doin'," and "I should have gettin those ages ago," and "You should've hearing what he's after saying to me," and that kind of thing. Magic.

I actually wouldn't have taken much notice of it if Quasi-Mojo hadn't taken to stopping what ever he was doing and clapped his hands while hopping from foot to foot every time he heard something unusual.

For legal reasons the above account should be filed under fiction.

I'll say more about Quasi-Mojo's reappearence in later posts.

For now,

Adieu